The Day After I Killed Myself

A little over two weeks ago, my small town community witnessed a tragedy: the loss of a young life. Worse still, we came to discover that the young girl was a victim of suicide…

Notice that I say “a victim of suicide,” I do not blame her, I do not invalidate her suffering, I do not fault her for feeling trapped. Though I don’t claim to know what went through her mind in those critical moments, I understand that she felt she was trapped between a rock and a hard place.

A suicidal mentality is the intersection between deep despair, hopelessness, depression, and total mind-boggling emotional numbness.

Many find it odd that one can feel both numb and hopelessly depressed at the same time. That’s only because they have never suffered depression. Perhaps the most paralyzing symptom of it is the inability to feel. The isolation from those you love as you find yourself imprisoned by your own mind.

I understand the desire to commit suicide, I have found myself at that very intersection, and contemplated those very actions. The difference between her and I? Somehow, some way, I held on. I will never know how, or why I became one of the few to find my way to the light at the end of the tunnel, but I did. Now I aim to make my struggle mean something, by using the voice and the experiences I have been given to put words to the experiences that so many suffer in silence. I want those who are where I have been to know that there is always a solution, and that that solution is never to take your own life.

 

 

Check out my latest article, written in an attempt to make others understand that suicide is permanent. Your suffering, though it seems endless, is only temporary.

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/the-day-after-killed-myself

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

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